I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
