some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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