My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
