I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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