The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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