Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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