dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
