I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
