If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
