He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
