i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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