Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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