Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
