I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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