I wannas sexs uuuuu
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
