I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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