You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
