Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
