Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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