wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
