woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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