I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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