Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
