From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
