that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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