of course. lets lasso hookers.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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