woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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