I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
