did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
