The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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