Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
