I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
