Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
