my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
