I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
