I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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