I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
