After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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