did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
