Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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