I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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