Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
