she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
