someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
