Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
