so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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