I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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