there's paper in my vomit.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
