you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
