If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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