I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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