I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
